Why Didn't I Invent This Thing??

THIS is my summertime gift to you.

I don't cook--well, I do, but nothing fancy and very little that's really good, but it's enough to stick to the family's ribs as my wife keeps working late. She often says, "You REALLY like to cook!" I say, "No, I really have to EAT!"

That said, I take the guy's way out once things warm up and lean heavily on my grill to get me through dinnertime.

They don't allow you to leave Sheboygan until you know how to grill a brat--soak 'em, fry 'em, then finish them in beer and onions. Hamburgers, steaks and fish--can do. Turkey? Possibly the easiest thing to do over charcoal, and guys can be golden for the rest of the year if they're willing to brave a freezing deck/patio and d0 up a Freezer Eagle on the Weber come Thanksgiving Day. A cheap eat, too.

The issue for many people, though, is how to start said coals.

Back in the day, my dad used something called "white gas" which he bought in exotic places and which I always suspected was some sort of moonshine. Then again, if that were the case, he would've poured it down his cakehole instead of over charcoal.

There's lighter fluid, which is relatively efficient but leaves behind that "refinery" flavor that makes your food taste as though you cooked it on the engine block of a '66 Impala with blown gaskets.

That's where the charcoal chimney comes in.

Simple in design, brilliant in it's simplicity.

The cylinder is split roughly into thirds--the top two go to unlit charcoal. The bottom to unlit newspaper.

Light the paper, and let the magic begin.

The charcoal chimney never fails, and the coals aren't tainted by refined fossil fuels, so you get the pure taste of grilling without your brats tasting as though they got soaked with Mobil 87 octane.

Chimneys can be had almost everywhere--Weber makes their own, and I know Rokamko in West Allis has 'em in stock. Hardware stores have knockoffs. All work. Some last longer than others.

This, my friends, is my contribution to your summer. Think of me as you drop the match.

The only thing that'll make your food taste better, or your cooking time go faster, is listening to Uecker and Powell while you turn your links. And, might I suggest, a cold frosty one on the side.