The Textbook Definition of Schadenfruede

Joy, from the misery of others.

That's schadenfreude--a German term immortalized in the bawdy and hilarious Broadway hit, "Avenue Q". And, it's what's washing over me like Lake Michigan waves today upon hearing the Lakers' Kobe Bryant whining for help after L.A.'s elimination from the N.B.A. playoffs.

“Do it and do it now,” he said. “Personally for me, it’s beyond frustration — three years and still being at ground zero. This summer’s a big summer. We have to see what direction we want to take as an organization and make those steps and make them now.”

My infant daughter put it best from her crib 19 years ago when she said, "wah, wah, wah".

This is the same selfish thug who got what he asked for: Shaquille O'Neal shipped out of Los Angeles because Kobe couldn't stand sharing the spotlight. There's only one ball at any N.B.A game, and Bryant isn't happy unless it's constantly in his hands being fired at the closest rim.This is the same Kobe who has the stones to cry for help when, in the final game against Phoenix, he is credited with one--count 'em, one--assist. The same Bryant who missed 17 of the 33 shots he took on the evening, including a stretch where he missed eight in a row, while going 2-8 from three-point range.

I had no ax to grind against Byrant as he became the N.B.A.'s all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips early in his career--there was no doubting his talent altho questions lingered about his head.

Then came the allegations in Colorado, the admitted infidelity and the ring that won the wife back, the O'Neal trade, the selfishness, the elbows launched in anger at foes who had the audacity to play defense against him. His unique brand of hoop that has his teammates refusing to play as one, as proven by the fact the Lakers had a mere SEVEN assists as a team in the finale. Contrast L.A. with the Suns and Steve Nash who had more assists by himself (10).

And now, Kobe is surrounded by the likes of Luke Walton, Smush Parker, and Ronnie Turiaf. No stars, just the way he wanted it.

And, no title, just the way we Bryant Bashers love it.

This could almost make me enjoy pro basketball again.