How do they do it?
It's a question I remember asking myself a bazillion times when I was single and I'd see the things parents did for their kids--from changing dirty diapers, to wiping up puke, to watching their kid strike out with the bases loaded to end a Little League game.
How do they do it?
Seeing corny movies over and over again, dealing with the neighborhood bully who has your child in the cross hairs, the heartbreak that comes when the first crush ends, flop-sweating at the DMV while your teenager takes his/her road test.
How do they do it?
Those are the things parents can expect--they are the mortal locks that that are the standard rites of passage. It's the boiler plate of growing up.
Not on that list: burying your own child.
Or, having to sit through the trial of the man accused of murdering your offspring.
Real life shows us that the latter two happen, sometimes to those we know. My in-laws had to watch their son, a Green Bay area priest, suffer through the ravages of brain cancer before succumbing. We all are familiar with the stories of kids who put up valiant fights before a debilitating disease ends their lives too soon. Or, the incidents where children die in car wrecks, storms, or other random acts.
Like homicide.
There isn't a parent around who wonders how Theresa Halbach 's family--and others in the same gut wrenching position--sit through the most grisly testimony about the slaying of their child. How does a mom or dad remain composed while listening to someone describe a son or daughter's final, terror-filled minutes on earth? How can you just sit there as you see your flesh and blood reduced to a handful of bone fragments, tagged and bagged as a court exhibit?
How do they do it?
Kids don't come with instructions. You leave the hospital that day with a little pink bundle swaddled in a blanket and wrapped in your own parental apprehension. How will you, as a mom or dad, deal with the things you KNOW are going to happen in that child's next 18 years under your roof? How will you be when, God forbid, one of your worst fears materializes?
How do they do it?
I think parenting is like adrenaline--you don't know it's in your system until outside stimuli call on your body to produce it. Some of us have more--others, not so much. And, in our darkest moments, we wonder if we'd have what it would take to get through those horrible, heartbreaking moments with grace, dignity and composure...to cope with the heinous and unspeakable without acting out, or going all Jack Ruby on the perp.
How do they do it?
Thank God they can, and pray you never have to find out if you could.
3 comments:
Great post Gene. I think it is a fear everyone one of us push into that little closet in our brain...a closet that we never want to open. It's hard enough for me to know that I may have passed on a genetic defect to any or all of my four kids that could give them multiple cancers; I cannot think that far ahead just yet. But to be Theresa's parents/siblings and imagine what she went through? Unfathomable.
I too wonder how Theresa's parents and family can sit through this -- and now sit through the jury wait. How can the jury be taking so long? Did the defense team convince them? Or is there just one hold out? How could that be? Why this family has to be put through this too, it breaks my heart. I pray for them and hope this part of it ends for them soon so they can move on -- although moving on is going to be just as hard because they won't have their daughter back.
You are wonderful writer and I look forward to reading your posts. Keep up the good work.
As a mother I've experienced the possible death of 2 of my children, 3 times each. Sounds surreal, and that's just how it feels when you're going through it. You are numb. My support network is tiny, but somehow I was lucky to find the strength. My experiences were nothing compared to this family; my children live today. I've learned from my life that healing can take years and years, and when most people will have moved on, you'll still be trying to sort it all out. It will take lots of time, good support, and many prayers long past the verdict date to find a "normal" life again. Actually, "normal is just a setting on the dryer" as Erma Bombeck would say. We have to make the best with what we have and support each other. It never hurts to be a good listener and be there for our friends long after the event; it means so much to know someone cares.
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